my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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