This is not my ceiling
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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