So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm bleeding and have questions
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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