she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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