Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
