Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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