Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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