So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
