If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
