That's intense
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
