STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
