she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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