the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
