I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
