I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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