I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
