So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
