Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
