apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize