I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
