i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
