i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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