just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
