look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
