Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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