why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
