You made me cry and you don't even care
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
