i just identified you from a description of your pipe
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
