shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think your dad took our porno
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
