We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize