Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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