i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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