I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
