Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
