Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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