K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Couch. On fire.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize