I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
