we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize