You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
