I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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