you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
