He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
