taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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