WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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