I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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