Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
