He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
