Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
