just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
