Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
