the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
