Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
