Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
