Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
