Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
