it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
