While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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