Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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