i would punch a child for taco bell
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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