wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Randomize
