I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
