I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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