They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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