I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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