If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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