these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
