Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
