i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
