Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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