I don't think brook has ever known best
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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