Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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