Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
