After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
