how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm at about main and main street
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize